Worldly Weddings – To Bless or Not to Bless?

Posted on September 5, 2020 by Jayne Ozanne – ‘ViaMedia News’

by the Ven Nicholas Henshall, Dean of Chelmsford

On 14 February a former Bishop of Jarrow used to stand at the feet of the Angel of the North in Gateshead, and bless any couples who came along. Kitsch and worldly certainly. But it might tell us something important about marriage and the church as we seek to respond to Government proposals to change the rules on where people can get married and who can officiate at weddings.

The history of marriage and the church is clear enough. For almost the whole of the first 1,000 years of Christian history there is simply no such thing as ‘Christian’ marriage. Christians get married, certainly. But they get married according to the laws and traditions of ‘secular’ culture. Christian clergy play no role. Indeed, there is nothing resembling a Christian marriage service, a liturgy, until at least the 8th century.

Even then weddings remained firmly under civil jurisdiction for another 400 years. It is only in the post-Reformation period that, by canon law and custom, it becomes a requirement in both Catholic and Anglican traditions that a priest officiates at a wedding. Always of course the actual ministers of the sacrament are the couple themselves and not the priest.

Marriage does not fit easily into Aquinas’ Aristotelian sacramental system. But the sacramentaliisation of marriage in the Middle Ages – rather like the monasticisation of the clergy – is a fascinating power grab by the medieval church, more to do with control than blessing.

Marriage is robustly secular. Though often missed, this is precisely what informs Paul’s teaching on marriage. Getting married is what people do, and that is part of its ‘worldly’ nature. In the teaching of both Jesus and Paul, marriage is part of the “the present form of this world which is passing away (1 Corinthians 7.31) and Jesus is specific that in the resurrection “they neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matthew 22.30). These would not be comfortable texts to us at the funeral of a deeply loved spouse but this is not intended as a moral condemnation. Rather it reflects the eschatology of the New Testament writers.

Christians have had to recognise for most of the last 2,000 years that marriage has taken a variety of forms and that these have largely been dictated and developed by ‘secular’ culture rather than by the church. Christopher Brooke’s classic, The Medieval Idea of Marriage, is hugely enjoyable in its own right, but leaves the reader in no doubt.

The history of marriage and the church has not been helped by a deeply unbiblical pessimism about sex. Rowan Williams notes that Gregory the Great had to reassure Augustine of Canterbury that someone who had had sex on a Saturday could still receive communion on Sunday. By contrast, in the Jewish tradition, the Sabbath is a specially favoured day for making love. Whilst the very positive statements of modern church leaders about marriage and the family are welcome, these have little resonance in the tradition, and often unintentionally echo the church’s earlier attempts to control marriage rather than demonstrating a desire to bless human relationships.

When I was a vicar in North Yorkshire, I officiated at a minimum of at least 30 a year. It was a pretty church in a stunning location, and with a huge parish centre where we could even offer wedding receptions. This was a place where people still got married in large numbers, even though the registry office was just stone’s throw away. Wedding preparation in large groups on Saturday mornings was an excellent opportunity to get to know couples well and do some straight teaching and reflection. But although I was completely confident that we had wonderful good news to share – that we knew about love, sacrifice, life intention, vows, for better for worse – I also realised in those precious encounters that they were inviting me onto their sacred ground, not the other way round.

And I think that’s why over recent years, I have learnt most from non-church weddings, especially a family wedding in a youth hostel in Derbyshire. Some non-church weddings have left me feeling empty and frustrated, to be sure. But so have some church weddings. This Derbyshire youth hostel wedding genuinely engaged and excited me. Location was determined by the bride and groom’s passion for rock climbing, and the ceremony itself – not just the party afterwards in a tent where the heating had failed – was a genuine opportunity for people to speak serious words about love and commitment, and make unique personal contributions. It seemed extraordinary to all of us that although there were several ordained ministers present, and the bride and groom would have loved to have their participation, the legalities prohibited any such religious content. But I realised through that day that I was learning at a ‘secular’ wedding things I thought I already knew.

This is important. For many of us as Christian parents our children may well not make the same choices as us about marriage. Even devout Christians are sometimes opting for non-church weddings, because the rules we make exclude them or because what we offer seems to restrain rather than to bless.

The experience of going to civil weddings has raised my game. If I were getting married now, it certainly would still be in a church, with full Nuptial Mass and all the trimmings. But we would seek to learn from non-church weddings, where the personal is often better honoured, the world better understood and the context better embraced. If Aquinas is right, these civil events are (at least in part) still sacraments, and the doctrine of the Incarnation tells us that Christ is there, just as he was at the similarly non-church wedding at Canaan in Galilee.

The incarnation invites us to a recognise that it is the world in all its glorious variety that is the arena of God’s activity, the arena into which God sends us to serve, the context to which God invites us to pay attention.

So, alongside welcoming the government’s long-overdue consultation on opening up the conversation about where people can get married and who can officiate at a wedding, let’s be bold enough – as confident missionary-minded churches have always been – to engage with the kitsch and the worldly next Valentine’s Day and do some serious blessing.


This latest item, published by the Jayne Ozanne Foundation’s ‘’, offers the opinion of a Church of England priest and pastor, Nicholas Henshall, the current Dean of Chelmsford, on the subject of Marriage – as an ancient human custom existing before the foundation of the Christian Church.

Fr. Nicholas here contends that marriage was a common institution in society long before the Church appropriated it as a quasi-sacramental state of being for two people intent on living the rest of their lives together. (Property rights were often adjusted on the marriage of two people, sometimes even requiring the exaction of a ‘bride-price’ from the family of the groom).

As has been acknowledged by the Roman Catholic Church, the legal instruments of a marriage are the two people being joined together. What the Church (in the person of the minister) does in a ‘Christian Marriage’ is to bestow a Blessing.

Mentioned in this article is the FACT that the difference between the religious and the social expectations of marriage lies in the social and legal aspects of the actual marriage ceremony. At the present time in England there is a distinction between the celebration of a secular form of marriage (which can include any two persons legally free to marry); whereas an Anglican Church Wedding can only be contracted between a heterosexual couple, conducted by an Anglican priest in an Anglican Church (or, in any other place authorised by the local Bishop).

Now that Same-Sex Marriage is legal in England, clergy like The Ven. Nicholas Henshall are obviously looking forward to the possibility of a Same-Sex Christian Couple being able to make their Marriage vows in the presence of family and friends in the local parish church – a situation that would allow S/S Couples to feel more at home with their fellow worshippers in the parish.

(The situation in Aotearoa/New Zealand is still somewhat confused. especially when one notes that there has been at least one occasion of a Same-Sex Marriage being taken by an Anglican priest in a local Church School Chapel. However, as there is no official State-Church relationship in New Zealand, and the New Zealand Government allows for Same Sex Couples to marry, General Synod has given local Anglican bishops the option to allow – or disallow – the marriage of Same Sex Couples, at their discretion).

Father Ron Smith, Christchurch, New Zealand

About kiwianglo

Retired Anglican priest, living in Christchurch, New Zealand. Ardent supporter of LGBT Community, and blogger on 'Thinking Anglicans UK' site. Theology: liberal, Anglo-Catholic & traditional. regarding each person as a unique expression of Christ, and therefore lovable.
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2 Responses to Worldly Weddings – To Bless or Not to Bless?

  1. Nicholas Henshall says:

    Thanks, Fr Ron! I didn’t want to address the issue of same sex marriage directly in this article, but inevitably the logic of my position is that the church should have no doctrinal problem with same set marriage, and indeed I view the decisions of church’s not to embrace what the state has decided in this area as the real breach of tradition here, and sadly one that fits an increasingly defended ecclesiology. Thank you! Nicholas

    • kiwianglo says:

      Thank you Nicholas. We here in N.Z. are still a little confused over the issue, but at least our General Synod has allowed individual diocesans to make their own decision on how to deal with it on their patch. I agree with you, that the Church needs to move beyond its obvious ambivalence on this matter – so that the Inclusive Gospel of Christ might be openly proclaimed for ALL people.

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